we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to make out with him forever
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
