So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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