Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
