maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
