you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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