New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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