fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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