Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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