did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
