Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
