just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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