I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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