i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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