She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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