11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
