dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
