How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
