Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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