You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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