I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
