I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
