He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
