Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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