you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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