Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
organizing the empties. That sober.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
