im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.