Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?