I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.