Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
