Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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