At least make sure they are 18
Why
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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