I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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