i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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