I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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