life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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