But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
