ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
