I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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