tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
