You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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