God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
