I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
