And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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