Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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