and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need moral support for this bender
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
