i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
