i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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