sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
