Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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