you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
