At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
