He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
