With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i need some magic done to my vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
