he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
