It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
