Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you win again, gameday.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
