new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
