New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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