There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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