Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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