ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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