made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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