I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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