woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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