ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
