Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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