remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
