that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize