guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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