I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize