Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
