No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
