I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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