I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
