I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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