Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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