Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
