for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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