So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
