burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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