I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
