Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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