Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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