Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
